We would prefer Jews to marry other Jews. This has nothing whatsoever to do with exclusivity or disparagement of non-Jews but is solely the result of our experience that when a Jew marries or forms a long-term relationship with a non-Jew the most likely outcome is that the Jew and the children of the relationship are lost to Judaism. Since Jews have become something of an endangered species and we think that the world would be a lot poorer without Judaism, we are not happy to lose anyone.
We also recognise the reality of the modern world, that wherever Jew and non-Jew meet, loving relationships can develop. We have also learned that this need not be a disaster.
We encourage everyone who is thinking of marrying or is married to or in a long-term relationship with a Jew to seriously consider becoming Jewish. We don’t send people away, we welcome them. That isn’t the same as waving a magic wand and pronouncing anyone who vaguely likes the idea to be Jewish. It takes time to integrate into the Jewish community and feel comfortable there. It takes knowledge and skill to get the most out of being Jewish. That is why every Reform Synagogue offers courses, usually of a year’s duration. We take pride at turning out-marriage into in-marriage. If you are personally touched by this issue you can get help and advice from your nearest rabbi – all Reform Synagogues are listed in this booklet.
We also recognise that not every non-Jewish partner of a Jew is rushing to become Jewish themselves. They may have their own deeply held religious tradition. In this situation we encourage the Jew to remain a member of the Jewish community. We are delighted if the non-Jewish partner gives active support and they are most welcome in our synagogues. We offer seminars and groups at which difficult issues like the upbringing of the children can be considered. We make it possible for the children to be received into Judaism even if the mother, for reasons of her own faith, does not wish to convert.
Non-Jews with no prospective Jewish partner are equally welcome and on the same terms. Whilst Judaism is not a ‘missionary’ religion, it has always enjoyed converts and our history records what an important and revitalising contribution they can and do make.
Acknowledgement: ‘What is Reform Judaism' by Rabbi Tony Bayfield.
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10. How do you cope with intermarriage?
We would prefer Jews to marry other Jews. This has nothing whatsoever to do with exclusivity or disparagement of non-Jews but is solely the result of our experience that when a Jew marries or forms a long-term relationship with a non-Jew the most likely outcome is that the Jew and the children of the relationship are lost to Judaism. Since Jews have become something of an endangered species and we think that the world would be a lot poorer without Judaism, we are not happy to lose anyone.
